The Hard Truth About Soft Skills: Workplace Lessons Smart People Wish They'd Learned Sooner (Paperback)
Interesting book, a lot of tips and truth about corporate America culture. Easy reading.
Elizabeth Xu
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Leaving a Legacy
When I first came to the States, I was very lucky to know Pat and Lou. They helped me tremendously during my first few years in the United States.
Lou was an extraordinary man, he was in his 80s when I met him in the early 1990s. Lou had taught at Stanford University, he also served as a Colonel in the US Air Force during World War II, Korea and Viet Nam. He was a great engineer and a successful business man. Lou devoted time and energy to mentoring and helping others throughout his life.
I asked Lou one day: "Why do you spend so much time helping me and other people you have never met before?” Lou smiled back: "I help you because I believe that you can be more successful with my help. I will not live that long to see your success, but it will become my legacy whether I see it or not.” Indeed, he didn’t live that long to see all the successes from the people he helped, but I certainly credit my successes to his legacy.
Many people like Lou help others unconditionally. I would like to share a poem written by another lady who lived her life fully and happily through her 90s. Her family printed this beautiful poem for her obituary.
Legacy
When I die, give what’s left to children,
If you need to cry, cry for others walking beside you.
Put your arm around anyone,
Give them what you need to give me.
I want to leave you with something
Something better than words and sounds,
Look for me in the people I have known and loved
If you cannot live without me,
Let me live on in your eyes,
Your mind and your acts of kindness
The body dies and love does not
So, when all what’s left is love, please give me away!
We all received a lot from people like Lou. Let's thank them during the holiday time. They helped us to build our success, let's help them to build their ever lasting legacy.
Elizabeth Xu
Lou was an extraordinary man, he was in his 80s when I met him in the early 1990s. Lou had taught at Stanford University, he also served as a Colonel in the US Air Force during World War II, Korea and Viet Nam. He was a great engineer and a successful business man. Lou devoted time and energy to mentoring and helping others throughout his life.
I asked Lou one day: "Why do you spend so much time helping me and other people you have never met before?” Lou smiled back: "I help you because I believe that you can be more successful with my help. I will not live that long to see your success, but it will become my legacy whether I see it or not.” Indeed, he didn’t live that long to see all the successes from the people he helped, but I certainly credit my successes to his legacy.
Many people like Lou help others unconditionally. I would like to share a poem written by another lady who lived her life fully and happily through her 90s. Her family printed this beautiful poem for her obituary.
Legacy
When I die, give what’s left to children,
If you need to cry, cry for others walking beside you.
Put your arm around anyone,
Give them what you need to give me.
I want to leave you with something
Something better than words and sounds,
Look for me in the people I have known and loved
If you cannot live without me,
Let me live on in your eyes,
Your mind and your acts of kindness
The body dies and love does not
So, when all what’s left is love, please give me away!
We all received a lot from people like Lou. Let's thank them during the holiday time. They helped us to build our success, let's help them to build their ever lasting legacy.
Elizabeth Xu
Monday, November 23, 2009
Love Yourself
Many people ask me how I motivate myself. I respond, "How do you motivate others? Are you positive or critical?"
Pat and I have talked about this topic many times. This morning, Pat just said in a very point blank way: “You need to love yourself!” Many high-achievers are extremely critical of themselves. They frequently beat themselves up for the most minor mishaps. They never feel they have done enough to make themselves and their families proud.
Being introspective is not a bad thing, indeed, it helps you avoid being aloof and keeps you working harder towards your goals. Being overly critical of yourself however, plays an opposite role when you start to blame yourself for every unfortunate event in your life. It becomes a heavy load that drags you deeper and deeper into a sea of hopelessness and despair. You may spend all your efforts fighting the darkness and end up drowning in depression.
Depression kills your spirit, creativity and dreams. Life without dreams and hope is like living in Azkanban. Over time, you turn into a dementor, sucking hope and joy out of the people around you. Love yourself if you want to be the source of happiness, courage and inspiration.
How do overly critical high-achievers learn to love yourself and get out the dark and cold Azkanban? Write down your accomplishments and happy moments. Read them every morning when you get up. Look into mirror and smile at the image looking back. Look at the positive side of each event during the day. Stop and smell the roses...meaning enjoy the small positive things around you. By the end of the day, share your roses instead of thorns with your friends and family. Reward yourself as you accomplish your goals, celebrate with your friends and family, share your happiness with people you love. They will be sincerely happy for you.
As we travel life's long journey experiencing success and failures, we all need someone who will give us unconditional love. That person should be yourself first. Instead of being our own worst enemy, we need to be our own best friend and biggest supporter. Love yourself unconditionally, dream about your bright future, exude positive energy, light up a room when you walk in, brighten a conversation when you join a group, put laughter on the dinner table, smile at happy events, laugh at dismal events.
As Pat said, “Love yourself!” Always be there for yourself supporting yourself unconditionally, live to your fullest potential and have fun!
Elizabeth Xu
Pat and I have talked about this topic many times. This morning, Pat just said in a very point blank way: “You need to love yourself!” Many high-achievers are extremely critical of themselves. They frequently beat themselves up for the most minor mishaps. They never feel they have done enough to make themselves and their families proud.
Being introspective is not a bad thing, indeed, it helps you avoid being aloof and keeps you working harder towards your goals. Being overly critical of yourself however, plays an opposite role when you start to blame yourself for every unfortunate event in your life. It becomes a heavy load that drags you deeper and deeper into a sea of hopelessness and despair. You may spend all your efforts fighting the darkness and end up drowning in depression.
Depression kills your spirit, creativity and dreams. Life without dreams and hope is like living in Azkanban. Over time, you turn into a dementor, sucking hope and joy out of the people around you. Love yourself if you want to be the source of happiness, courage and inspiration.
How do overly critical high-achievers learn to love yourself and get out the dark and cold Azkanban? Write down your accomplishments and happy moments. Read them every morning when you get up. Look into mirror and smile at the image looking back. Look at the positive side of each event during the day. Stop and smell the roses...meaning enjoy the small positive things around you. By the end of the day, share your roses instead of thorns with your friends and family. Reward yourself as you accomplish your goals, celebrate with your friends and family, share your happiness with people you love. They will be sincerely happy for you.
As we travel life's long journey experiencing success and failures, we all need someone who will give us unconditional love. That person should be yourself first. Instead of being our own worst enemy, we need to be our own best friend and biggest supporter. Love yourself unconditionally, dream about your bright future, exude positive energy, light up a room when you walk in, brighten a conversation when you join a group, put laughter on the dinner table, smile at happy events, laugh at dismal events.
As Pat said, “Love yourself!” Always be there for yourself supporting yourself unconditionally, live to your fullest potential and have fun!
Elizabeth Xu
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Where Is the Ceiling?
Recently, I spoke to the Association of Woman in Science (AWIS), a group of highly intelligent professional women. To my surprise, one member asked the question about glass ceiling that I didn't expect from this group of highly accomplished women. The young lady, a Ph.D. Student at Stanford asked me what I think about it and how I broke it.
Some very accomplished women were raised by their families that they were less important than their brothers. They carry that concept with them, and accept unfair treatment and blame their gender for all their lost opportunities. Gradually, they fail to pursue their opportunities aggressively and eventually lose their drive to compete with men. Over the time, their glass ceiling becomes a concrete ceiling or a steel ceiling, totally blocking their vision, drive and opportunity of career advancement. They live with the resentment and bitterness of not having equal opportunities.
My answer has always been, "The whatever ceiling first resides in your mind, then in the reality. To break the ceiling of any kind, you have to remove it from your own mind first, then you will have a chance to penetrate it by your intelligence and hard work.
My father once told me,"Girls and boys are equal, except that girls can wear pretty dresses." I carry that advice with me always. It gives me confidence whenever I fell less than equal to my male colleagues.
Elizabeth Xu
Some very accomplished women were raised by their families that they were less important than their brothers. They carry that concept with them, and accept unfair treatment and blame their gender for all their lost opportunities. Gradually, they fail to pursue their opportunities aggressively and eventually lose their drive to compete with men. Over the time, their glass ceiling becomes a concrete ceiling or a steel ceiling, totally blocking their vision, drive and opportunity of career advancement. They live with the resentment and bitterness of not having equal opportunities.
My answer has always been, "The whatever ceiling first resides in your mind, then in the reality. To break the ceiling of any kind, you have to remove it from your own mind first, then you will have a chance to penetrate it by your intelligence and hard work.
My father once told me,"Girls and boys are equal, except that girls can wear pretty dresses." I carry that advice with me always. It gives me confidence whenever I fell less than equal to my male colleagues.
Elizabeth Xu
Friday, October 9, 2009
October Reading
What Got You Here Won't Get You There: How Successful People Become Even More Successful (Hardcover)
by Marshall Goldsmith (Author), Mark Reiter (Author)
This book helps you to identify gaps between managers and executives, a easy reading. Enjoy.
by Marshall Goldsmith (Author), Mark Reiter (Author)
This book helps you to identify gaps between managers and executives, a easy reading. Enjoy.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Proactive vs. Defensive Visibility vs. Excuses
My friend is an accomplished professional. She constantly deals with big clients. Recently, she worked on a complex business negotiation with her company's largest client. The client was very skillful in applying various negotiation skills including changing positions, escalating and blaming her for delays, renegotiating terms back and forth.
She struggled through the long and unpleasant negotiation process. Finally, every party was satisfied and the deal was made. But she felt bruised inside and out.
When we went to lunch to celebrate the success, she questioned if could she do better given the same case again in the future. "What's the most troublesome issue you faced?" I asked my puzzled friend. She lamented, "Communications with the client, internal business partners and my boss. Everything became convoluted, the client's negotiation techniques mixed with their hidden agenda. I was accused of being the defensive and making many excuses. Some information was true for a brief moment, then became false because of ever changing terms and conditions."
I was amazed, my friend isn't the type to be defensive and full of excuses, she is humble and responsible.
"There are two pairs of concepts, paradoxes: Proactive vs. Defensive and Visibility vs. Excuses. Both can be used to describe the same action and same information, due to different timing", I said. "What do you mean?" She asked. "Let's assume that you have some key information that is critical to either your boss or your business partner in dealing with your client during the negotiation. If you presented it to your relevant partners before the negotiation, your information become instrumental in winning the negotiation, you will be viewed as proactive and giving the right amount of visibility. If you did not pres ent the critical information beforehand, but after the fact, you could be blamed for acting defensively and full of excuses. It is all about timing in this ever changing world, a piece of critical information presented at the right time can win your company an important deal."
She struggled through the long and unpleasant negotiation process. Finally, every party was satisfied and the deal was made. But she felt bruised inside and out.
When we went to lunch to celebrate the success, she questioned if could she do better given the same case again in the future. "What's the most troublesome issue you faced?" I asked my puzzled friend. She lamented, "Communications with the client, internal business partners and my boss. Everything became convoluted, the client's negotiation techniques mixed with their hidden agenda. I was accused of being the defensive and making many excuses. Some information was true for a brief moment, then became false because of ever changing terms and conditions."
I was amazed, my friend isn't the type to be defensive and full of excuses, she is humble and responsible.
"There are two pairs of concepts, paradoxes: Proactive vs. Defensive and Visibility vs. Excuses. Both can be used to describe the same action and same information, due to different timing", I said. "What do you mean?" She asked. "Let's assume that you have some key information that is critical to either your boss or your business partner in dealing with your client during the negotiation. If you presented it to your relevant partners before the negotiation, your information become instrumental in winning the negotiation, you will be viewed as proactive and giving the right amount of visibility. If you did not pres ent the critical information beforehand, but after the fact, you could be blamed for acting defensively and full of excuses. It is all about timing in this ever changing world, a piece of critical information presented at the right time can win your company an important deal."
Monday, August 3, 2009
Dealing with Change
The world is an ever changing place and the pace of the change is accelerating. Holding on what we have, life style, working style, existing technology, communication style and etc is no longer realistic in this world. Our career or jobs will change at least 7 times in our lifetime.
One of my friends called today and joked about the only people whose lives were not affected by this downturn in business are those on social security. I joked back, it won't be true for long when inflation hits the country.
The choice is up to you: resist the change, accept the change, adapt to the change or embrace of the change. At end of the day, whether you are willing to change or not, your life is going to be different.
How does one embrace the change?
Positive attitude and ability to anticipate the trend enable you to embrace the change.
Each week, free yourself from your daily busy work and schedule four+ hours for research and learning new things. Your research will quickly show you trends and tips that will be helpful for your future..
Change comes with risks. Are you willing to take these risks? Are you in the position mentally and financially to take these risks?
One of my mentors told me, "Never run away from things, always run into something big for you." To embrace the change, you have to anticipate it and adjust your career and life accordingly, learning new skills and moving into new fields. Make your assets inflation proof. Tips and ideas from experts are readily available. You just need to look for them and start to practice on them today.
One of my friends called today and joked about the only people whose lives were not affected by this downturn in business are those on social security. I joked back, it won't be true for long when inflation hits the country.
The choice is up to you: resist the change, accept the change, adapt to the change or embrace of the change. At end of the day, whether you are willing to change or not, your life is going to be different.
How does one embrace the change?
Positive attitude and ability to anticipate the trend enable you to embrace the change.
Each week, free yourself from your daily busy work and schedule four+ hours for research and learning new things. Your research will quickly show you trends and tips that will be helpful for your future..
Change comes with risks. Are you willing to take these risks? Are you in the position mentally and financially to take these risks?
One of my mentors told me, "Never run away from things, always run into something big for you." To embrace the change, you have to anticipate it and adjust your career and life accordingly, learning new skills and moving into new fields. Make your assets inflation proof. Tips and ideas from experts are readily available. You just need to look for them and start to practice on them today.
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